Everyone Needs a Trailer Job

If you were to talk to my kids when they were between the ages of about 10 and 17, you would have thought they lived with Mrs. Hannigan from “Annie” and were suffering a hard knock life.  They were sure that no one on the planet had as many chores as they had.  I’m pretty sure they were wrong.  When it came to our RV trip, it was all about family teamwork and making sure that no one carried the lion’s share of the work.  Here’s how we worked it when we traveled with our kids.

The Planner – That’s me.  I am an OCD planner.  I like to have reservations lined up, meals planned, some activities planned and booked, etc.  It works that I took this job because no one else wanted it or loves this kind of thing.  My husband teases me on a big trip when I show up with a folder full of copies of our RV park reservations, waivers for things like white water rafting, printed out recipes, etc.  Once we’re at an RV park, I grab all kinds of brochures for local things to do and see and add them to the folder.   I get called, “Julie the Cruise Director.”  

The packers – It has always been my job to pack the food into the trailer.  Everyone is in charge of packing their own stuff.  We have collapsible crates that we use for packing clothes and such into the trailer.  We bought our first trailer when my son was four.  He helped me pack his crate at first, but by the time he was five or six, he did his own.  I made the kids lists so that they didn’t forget things.  After a while, they didn’t need the lists anymore.  We did, however, have to stop a few times for underwear.  One time, my husband and I reminded the kids over and over to pack their swimsuits.  They did great!   My husband and I forgot ours … after all of that kid nagging we did!

The Driver – That’s my husband.  No one else wanted this job … or was old enough for it most of the time.  I drove some with our first trailer, but only on straight, flat roads, and never backwards.   

The backing guide – In the early days, that was me and a walkie talkie.  When my son got older, he did this some too.  When he was about 10, he loved standing on the tongue of the trailer and guiding my husband to the hitch and did this with tremendous and kind of hilarious enthusiasm.

The car clean-up team – This was a kid job.  When we arrived at an RV park, their job was to make sure the dog got a little walk and clean up the inside of the car.  By the time we would arrive at an RV park, our car was full of snack trash, drink cups, and whatever activity the kids did to pass the time such as movies or video games. 

Outside trailer hook-up & leveling – This is also my husband.  When my son got older, he helped with this some.  Now that we’re kid-less, my husband is on his own … with his auto-leveling system.  

The inside of the trailer setter-upper – That’s my job and I love it!  One of my favorite parts of getting somewhere is setting up the trailer and making it feel homey and cozy.

The Cook – That’s me.  I plan and shop for all of the meals.  I love to cook.  I love the challenge of cooking on the road.   I love my trailer job!  

My happy Sous-chef

The Sous-chef – This is the cook’s helper.  Usually, this was a kid.  The sous-chef does whatever is needed (age appropriate of course).  Cheese grating is a big one because I hate grating cheese. 

The table-setter & Dog feeder – That job goes to whomever isn’t cooking or the sous-chef.  In our first trailer, when the kids got older, we were very short on room.  This job often went to whomever was sitting near the dishes drawer at the time.  

The dish-washer – This was and still is usually me and I don’t really mind.   I think that comes from my kitchen cleaning OCD I inherited from my mother.  It was my job growing up to clean up the kitchen.  She was a stickler for shiny faucets, clean stove, etc.  Kitchen clean-up is all part of the dish-washing for me.

The dish-dryer – This job was always up for grabs.  My daughter got it more often than not.  Sometimes, someone else would put the dishes away after she was done drying them.  It was like an assembly line from the sink to the dish-drawer.  It worked well – especially when our trailer was so small.

The dumper – Mid-trip, that could be anyone that could tell the black tank handle from the grey tank handle.  Our first trailer needed the gray tank dumped on an emergency basis sometimes.  We’d hear from someone yelling from the shower, “The water isn’t going down the drain!!!!”  Time to dump the tank.  The short straw went to whomever was dressed in something other than pajamas.  At the end of the trip, this is my husband.   He makes sure everything is done right, tanks are cleaned, and all the hoses are put back where they belong.

The trash taker-outer – This was often my son.  It’s a good job for an 8-year old boy.  In our first trailer, we didn’t think through the trash situation and only had room for a little wastebasket under the kitchen sink.  4 people and a dog = a lot of trips to the dumpster with little bags of trash.  

The dog-walker – It depends on the time of day who gets this job.  I get up in the morning and do the morning shift.  After that, it’s up for grabs.   Of course, if we’re somewhere where we can take the dog for a hike or out to whatever activity we’re doing, all the better.  

The laundry boss – That’s me.  I try my hardest not to do laundry on a trip.  But, when we were traveling in a 25-foot trailer with two kids, it was often impossible on a two-week trip.   When we ended up in a laundromat, the kids helped more.  Most of the time, it was just me and the RV park laundry.  On a two-week trip, the time spent in the laundry room of an RV park was often welcome quiet time.

Trailer-tidy – This is everyone’s job.  In our trailer, everyone is to make their bed and are in charge of keeping their stuff picked up and out of people’s way.  In our first trailer, our bunkhouse room was where all of our little trailer closets were.  There were four bunks used by only two kids most of the time.  The kids used the bunks that weren’t getting slept in as added storage sometimes (to my shagrin).  My daughter was an avid reader and couldn’t go on a trip without a crate of books.  How could she possibly choose two or three books to pack on a trip?  She might change her mind!  Her crate could be found on her non-sleeping bunk.  If anyone’s stuff was in someone’s way, we’d say they were “oozing” and it was time for them to clean up.   Did this always go smoothly?  Nope!   

Cussing day – That’s what we call sheet changing day.  It’s always been my job to change the sheets.  The name for this came about because, in our first trailer, changing the sheets was difficult, and painful!  The queen bed was actually a short queen and the mattress was wedged into a rear slide out that was exactly the same size as the mattress.  I scraped many a knuckle on the wall trying to change the sheets almost every time.  Our bunkhouse room had all of the basement storage underneath it.  So, it wasn’t a full height room.  By the time we sold the trailer, no one could stand up fully in the bunkhouse.  When the kids were little, it was perfect.  When I changed the sheets on the bunks, I invariably hit my head on the crank for the antenna, scraped my knuckles on their walls, knocked the curtains down … you name it.  Sometimes, a bad word or two slipped out.  Now, we still call it cussing day, but it just means we’re changing the sheets.  No cussing happens anymore because the sheets are much easier to change on our walk around queen bed.  

When the trip was over and it was time to break camp, everyone was in charge of cleaning up their stuff.  The kids were in charge of taking care of the dog and setting up the car for their ride.  I cleaned up the inside of the trailer.  My husband took care of the outside of the trailer.  

On big trips, we tied a spending money allowance to the chores our kids did.   This helped with the “enthusiasm” for the chores and some of the whining about them.  Our trips and our chore system was far from perfect.  Our chores at home were similar and were met with the same “enthusiasm” and whining.   At home, as they grew up, we had them do more and more of their chores on their own – like laundry.  It might have been easier to just do the darned chores ourselves.  Where would the life lessons be in that?   Everyone has their own tolerance for dealing with kids and every parent has to choose which battles they are willing to get into with their kids.  In the end, I’m glad we stuck out the chore battle.

Here’s the thing.  Our kids our now 21 and 24.  As they grew up and got jobs, they were always very employable.  My son liked doing things like yard work and odd jobs for people.  He had a little business we liked to call, “Odd Job Inc.”  People would tell us what great workers our kids were.  When my daughter babysat, she was often the first sitter that anyone would call because she not only took great care of the kids, but the parents came home to a tidy house and a cleaned-up kitchen.  Now, my son is a US Marine and my daughter is an EMT.  I’m not 100% sure that all those chores we made them do taught them to be independent, but I’d like to think so. 

When my daughter went off to college, during her first year in the dorms, she once said incredulously, “There are people here that don’t even know there’s a lint catcher in the dryer!”  I said, “you’re welcome.”

Next Trailer Girl Blog – Packing The Trailer the Lazy Way – What Things Should Live In The Trailer 

11 Things I’ve learned from Working with Kids Who Have Special Needs That Can be Applied to RVing … And Life

For as long as I can remember, I have been drawn to kids with special needs.  As early as elementary school, my parents introduced me to a girl with special needs.  In high school, I talked the teachers into letting me help in the special education PE class instead of taking a general PE class so long as I took all the required PE tests.  I went on to study Therapeutic Recreation and guess what?  You got it!  I found myself working with kids with special needs during my studies.  I now run a community based non-profit youth orchestra program.  At some point, I realized, we had an oddly high ratio of students who had siblings with special needs and on top of that, we had a mom who was a Music Therapist.  It was meant to be that we would start a music program for students with special needs.  I love the time I get to spend with these kids.  They’ve taught me a lot about life.  Much of what I’ve learned, and am continuing to learn, can be applied to RVing. 

I must put out this disclaimer.  I am not a parent of a kids with special needs.  I can’t even pretend to know what it’s like to live with the challenges of special needs 24/7.  I am a person who gets the privilege or working with these kids for a short time each week.  This blog post is written from that perspective.  I believe kids with special needs are a gift. I don’t like to call them “disabled” because I don’t believe they are.  Perhaps they are unable to independently do the tasks that are considered “normal” by society, but so what?  These kids have super-powers that allow them to see the world and enjoy things in a completely different way.  Here are just a few of the many gifts in the form of life lessons that I’ve received from these kids that have helped me enjoy life a little more simply and have a lot more fun.

1. Enjoy the moment– This may be the hardest one to apply to life when it comes down to it.   You don’t find kids with special needs fretting about politics, their bank account, or the next thing they’re going to do.  They enjoy what’s in front of them … in the moment.  Often times, we fret about too many things we can’t control.  In these times, we get irritated about things like politics, other people’s driving, comments on Facebook … you name it!   We spend too much time trying to control things that we can’t.  In the end, it’s a waste of energy and a joy-sucker.  

When on a trip, I try to just enjoy what’s in front of me in the moment.  I love watching kids run around in an RV park.   I love National Parks and looking at the views, checking out their historic buildings, and taking hikes.    It’s hard sometimes, but I try not let the stresses at home, things going on at work, politics on Facebook, or the news suck the joy out of my moments.   One of the many gifts of RV travel is terrible internet access.  Going off the grid can help me gain perspective on what to enjoy in the moment and the stresses that I can save for later or ignore all together.

On one trip (that wasn’t an RV trip), my husband and I went to Yosemite.  It was January and we were planning to go snowshoeing.  The weather didn’t cooperate.  There was no snow on the ground and none in the weather forecast.  So, we left our snowshoes at home and packed our hiking gear instead.  Just before we left, my father in law was diagnosed with cancer and was hospitalized.  My mom was also starting to have mysterious health problems.   After talking with both sets of parents, it was determined that there was nothing we could do to help and that we should continue with our plans and go on the trip.   If you’ve ever been to Yosemite, you probably remember the terrible cell phone reception.  What a blessing that turned out to be!  We had good reception on our hikes when we got to the top of things (like waterfalls) and at the hotel.  This is where we’d return the calls and check in on the parents.   The poor cell phone reception allowed us to compartmentalize the crises going on, enjoy the moments, and then deal with the crises when we were ready to do so.  We lost both my father in law and my mom shortly after the trip.  People asked us after the trip, “So…was it a… good trip?  Was it ruined..?”  We both agree that it was a good trip and that it allowed us to enjoy moments instead of fret over things we couldn’t control.  

2.  When it gets to be too much, take a break – Kid with special needs can become easily over-stimulated.   In this fast-past world with information bombarding us all the time, we could all learn to become more aware of when we are becoming over-stimulated.  I think that those of us without special needs have become desensitized and a bit numb to it all.  We don’t realize how overwhelmed we’re getting until it’s too late or we’ve spun ourselves into a grumpy tizzy and wonder how we got there.  One of the beautiful things about RVing is the ability to get away for a weekend fairly easily.  When work, life, and the world get to be too much for us, we escape to a happy place … which is pretty much anywhere our trailer can go with us.  We keep a copy of “Office Space” in our trailer for when we’re escaping work stresses.  Inappropriate language aside, the movie is hilarious.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to go “Office Space” and smash a piece of office equipment!  Taking some time out and poking fun at what stresses us, can be good for us and make Mondays a little better.

Sometimes a person needs to take a step back in the middle of the trip.  I remember one time, we were on the second to the last day of a 10 or 12 day trip.  We were traveling in our 25-foot trailer with no slides-outs.  The kids were on my last nerve.  Normally, taking out the trash isn’t my trailer job.  This night, I volunteered.  My husband got the cue and didn’t worry when I was gone for an hour … taking out the trash.  I needed a break.  

3. Routine is a good thing – Kids with special needs like their routines.  In our music groups, we have a certain order for the songs.  If we skip one, the students let us know!  It’s important to them that they have the routine.  With RVing, I have routines!  For instance, I get up every morning, walk the dogs, get back, and have my coffee.  I like this routine.  It gets my day started right.   I have a routine for cleaning up and preparing the inside of the trailer for travel.  If this routine is interrupted, bad things happen!  Doors don’t get latched and fall off the tracks.  Refrigerator bars don’t get put in and food gets spilled in the refrigerator.  I forget to put the toilet tank deodorizing chemicals in the toilet.  Don’t mess up my routine!  Routines are important!

4. Change your perspective – One of the most fascinating things about kids with special needs is how they look at things.   This is especially true of kids who have autism.  I have watched kids who are playing with a set of egg shakers, for instance, and instead of looking at them from the perspective of sitting on the floor and looking down on them, some kids will get at eye level with the egg shakers and look at them from where they lay – on the ground.  I can only guess at why they do this, but for some reason, the change of perspective brings on a new kind of delight.   Simply going on a trip can change your perspective and your attitude.  Let’s face it, sometimes when you’re RVing, things don’t go your way.  Tires blow out, tow vehicles break down, lunch takes forever and makes you later to your destination…stuff happens!  I try to change my thinking from “this is a bummer” to “what are we learning?” or “what’s funny in this situation?” or “what’s going to be funny later?”  Sometimes, I just think about dinner and how I’m going to change up what I’m making because we’re going to get to our destination late.   I have to admit, my ability to have a better attitude about things going sideways is much better when I’m on a trailer trip because my perspective changes as soon as we leave the house!

5. Be helpful – In the photo for this blog post is Jacqueline.  She has autism.  She’s also a trailer girl.   She takes a special bus from school to our group and gets there early.  She is my “side-kick.”  She helps with set up and seems to enjoy it.  There are other students who come early and ask, “Can I help?”  RVing has chores.   One thing my husband and I have learned over 28+ years of marriage is when one of us is flustered or frustrated, things go better when the other stays calm and asks, “can I help?”  In our family everyone has a trailer job.   We’ll talk more about that in my next blog post.  

6. Laugh easily – Jacqueline, and many of our students with special needs have low humor thresholds.  By this, I mean they find things funny … a lot!  Even when they maybe aren’t funny.  Finding the humor in things is always helpful – especially on vacation.  Things go wrong – or not as planned.  Was there anything funny about it?  Look hard … there probably was!  To this day, we still laugh about backing our trailer at the Canadian border.  (See previous blog post about our doomed Canada trip).  We have lots of little mishaps from our trips that are funny, at least to us.  

7.  Enjoy people!  – One of my favorite things about kids with special needs is how they love other people!  They find delight in bumping into someone they know at the store.   They don’t worry about the other person’s background, what kind of car they drive, if what they’re wearing doesn’t match … they don’t care!   They are the most wonderfully non-judgmental people!  They care that the person is happy to see them too.  What if we all just enjoyed other people because they were people?  Not because they think like us   Not because they “belong.”  Not because they are popular.  Just because they are a person.  What a different world this would be!  

I love people!  I find them entertaining.  I love people watching.  One of my favorite things to do in my trailer is to sit at my dining table and watch other people in the RV park.  They are so entertaining!   I like visiting with people when I’m out walking the dogs or taking out the trash.  Just this last trip, a kid taught me a new word when describing his dog, “suspicious-ist.”  I love this stuff!  

8. If one sparkly happy face sticker is good, two or six is even better – At our music group, we just finished our summer camp.  One part of our camp is crafts.  We do a lot with those squishy stickers that are easy to peel and stick.  I love the way the kids decorate their crafts with these!  There is random, sparkly, gaudy, joy in their creations.  What are the little things that bring you joy that you can add to your RV or collect along the way?  I have my National Park pictures that I frame and hang in the trailer.  I have also been collecting dishtowels from places we’ve been and hang them in the trailer.  I change them out with each trip as a reminder of a past trip.  

9. Eat the good stuff – At the end of our summer music camps, we normally have the kids put on a show with all of the songs and dances they learned.  We culminate the show with a pot-luck lunch.  Sadly, this year, we couldn’t do the pot-luck since sharing food during a pandemic is frowned upon.  This pot-luck is always the best.  Parents are smart and bring things they know the kids like.  One dad drove through McDonalds and picked up a whole bunch of Chicken McNuggets and French fries.  Another time, a parent brought a couple of pizzas.  Another dad made his daughter’s favorite “taco pasta”.  The kids’ plates are a testament to the foods they love.  They have nuggets, fries, pizza, taco pasta, and the most colorful cookies available. 

On trips, I like to eat the good stuff.   I try to keep it healthy, but I also try to remember the fun stuff.  For instance, I don’t normally have chips with my sandwich when I’m at home because I’m trying to eat healthy.  I pack chips on trips!  Maybe trips can have some delicious traditions.  For us, our trip food indulgence is pie.  We love to find pie on our trips.  Perhaps it’s because I make the worlds ugliest (yet still tasty) pies know affectionately in our family as “pie salads”.  Or, maybe the hunt is part of the fun.  Maybe both.  I recently made a dish that we often have on trailer trips and we were home.  My husband remarked, “I feel like we should be in our trailer.”   Trailer food should be the good stuff! 

10. Dance like no one is watching – Anyone who knows me will tell you that I lack rhythm and coordination.  There is no way that I could ever be trained to be a professional dancer.  In our music group, we dance!  We do goofy dances to goofy songs.  We get out scarves and wave them around.  We have ribbon wands we fling into the air.  My kids with special needs and I boogie like there’s no one watching and it’s fun!  We enjoy the movement.  Stretching your arms and legs, wiggling, and flapping your arms like a bird is fun!  OK, so I don’t get out of my trailer, crank up the music and dance like no one is watching.  However, I do make sure I move!  It makes the trip better!  Walk, hike, wiggle to the music in the truck – just move!  Have fun doing it!   It also helps with the “eat the good stuff” advice.

11. When all else fails, get out the parachute – There are times in our music group when things go south.  Kids have bad days just like us.  They get out of sorts.  They have trouble understanding why they didn’t get their way and get the big drum.  There was one such day when all heck seemed to be breaking loose.  We had one girl screaming in the corner, “I want to be a pirate!!” (We weren’t even doing anything pirate related).  Another kid that was disturbed by her screaming and beginning to melt down.  Another that couldn’t sit still.  And, yet another, who was stimming (making strange sounds that help soothe himself).  It was a fiasco!  What did we do?  We got out the parachute!  As soon as we did, the focus changed to the big colorful thing in the middle of the room.  The kids were mesmerized.  We turned on music and began making the parachute go up and down together.  They focused.  They smiled.  They worked as a team.  At the end of the group, when asked what their favorite part was.  Guess what it was.  Of course!  It was the parachute! 

Sometimes that’s what we need to do on an RV trip … or in life… take a minute to find our parachute.  Why are we on this trip?  What is important?  Who is important.  In our 16 plus years of RVing, there have been some annoying moments.  There have been kids melting down.  Heck!  There have been parents melting down.  But, in the end, what do we remember?  We remember who we were with and what we saw, did, and sometimes, what we ate.  We remember the good stuff!  Focus on the good stuff!

A parachute help our group focus.

I am grateful that I have the pleasure of working with kids with special needs each week.  They continue to teach me things.  They crack me up on a regular basis.  They spread joy!  It’s hard to come out of our music groups in a grumpy mood.  You really have to try hard to be grumpy in that group.  So, I don’t try.  I enjoy the moments!  

Enjoy your trips!  Enjoy your moments!  

Next Trailer Girl Blog Post – Everyone needs a Trailer Job