Tag: Attitudeadjustment

11 Things I’ve learned from Working with Kids Who Have Special Needs That Can be Applied to RVing … And Life

For as long as I can remember, I have been drawn to kids with special needs.  As early as elementary school, my parents introduced me to a girl with special needs.  In high school, I talked the teachers into letting me help in the special education PE class instead of taking a general PE class so long as I took all the required PE tests.  I went on to study Therapeutic Recreation and guess what?  You got it!  I found myself working with kids with special needs during my studies.  I now run a community based non-profit youth orchestra program.  At some point, I realized, we had an oddly high ratio of students who had siblings with special needs and on top of that, we had a mom who was a Music Therapist.  It was meant to be that we would start a music program for students with special needs.  I love the time I get to spend with these kids.  They’ve taught me a lot about life.  Much of what I’ve learned, and am continuing to learn, can be applied to RVing. 

I must put out this disclaimer.  I am not a parent of a kids with special needs.  I can’t even pretend to know what it’s like to live with the challenges of special needs 24/7.  I am a person who gets the privilege or working with these kids for a short time each week.  This blog post is written from that perspective.  I believe kids with special needs are a gift. I don’t like to call them “disabled” because I don’t believe they are.  Perhaps they are unable to independently do the tasks that are considered “normal” by society, but so what?  These kids have super-powers that allow them to see the world and enjoy things in a completely different way.  Here are just a few of the many gifts in the form of life lessons that I’ve received from these kids that have helped me enjoy life a little more simply and have a lot more fun.

1. Enjoy the moment– This may be the hardest one to apply to life when it comes down to it.   You don’t find kids with special needs fretting about politics, their bank account, or the next thing they’re going to do.  They enjoy what’s in front of them … in the moment.  Often times, we fret about too many things we can’t control.  In these times, we get irritated about things like politics, other people’s driving, comments on Facebook … you name it!   We spend too much time trying to control things that we can’t.  In the end, it’s a waste of energy and a joy-sucker.  

When on a trip, I try to just enjoy what’s in front of me in the moment.  I love watching kids run around in an RV park.   I love National Parks and looking at the views, checking out their historic buildings, and taking hikes.    It’s hard sometimes, but I try not let the stresses at home, things going on at work, politics on Facebook, or the news suck the joy out of my moments.   One of the many gifts of RV travel is terrible internet access.  Going off the grid can help me gain perspective on what to enjoy in the moment and the stresses that I can save for later or ignore all together.

On one trip (that wasn’t an RV trip), my husband and I went to Yosemite.  It was January and we were planning to go snowshoeing.  The weather didn’t cooperate.  There was no snow on the ground and none in the weather forecast.  So, we left our snowshoes at home and packed our hiking gear instead.  Just before we left, my father in law was diagnosed with cancer and was hospitalized.  My mom was also starting to have mysterious health problems.   After talking with both sets of parents, it was determined that there was nothing we could do to help and that we should continue with our plans and go on the trip.   If you’ve ever been to Yosemite, you probably remember the terrible cell phone reception.  What a blessing that turned out to be!  We had good reception on our hikes when we got to the top of things (like waterfalls) and at the hotel.  This is where we’d return the calls and check in on the parents.   The poor cell phone reception allowed us to compartmentalize the crises going on, enjoy the moments, and then deal with the crises when we were ready to do so.  We lost both my father in law and my mom shortly after the trip.  People asked us after the trip, “So…was it a… good trip?  Was it ruined..?”  We both agree that it was a good trip and that it allowed us to enjoy moments instead of fret over things we couldn’t control.  

2.  When it gets to be too much, take a break – Kid with special needs can become easily over-stimulated.   In this fast-past world with information bombarding us all the time, we could all learn to become more aware of when we are becoming over-stimulated.  I think that those of us without special needs have become desensitized and a bit numb to it all.  We don’t realize how overwhelmed we’re getting until it’s too late or we’ve spun ourselves into a grumpy tizzy and wonder how we got there.  One of the beautiful things about RVing is the ability to get away for a weekend fairly easily.  When work, life, and the world get to be too much for us, we escape to a happy place … which is pretty much anywhere our trailer can go with us.  We keep a copy of “Office Space” in our trailer for when we’re escaping work stresses.  Inappropriate language aside, the movie is hilarious.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to go “Office Space” and smash a piece of office equipment!  Taking some time out and poking fun at what stresses us, can be good for us and make Mondays a little better.

Sometimes a person needs to take a step back in the middle of the trip.  I remember one time, we were on the second to the last day of a 10 or 12 day trip.  We were traveling in our 25-foot trailer with no slides-outs.  The kids were on my last nerve.  Normally, taking out the trash isn’t my trailer job.  This night, I volunteered.  My husband got the cue and didn’t worry when I was gone for an hour … taking out the trash.  I needed a break.  

3. Routine is a good thing – Kids with special needs like their routines.  In our music groups, we have a certain order for the songs.  If we skip one, the students let us know!  It’s important to them that they have the routine.  With RVing, I have routines!  For instance, I get up every morning, walk the dogs, get back, and have my coffee.  I like this routine.  It gets my day started right.   I have a routine for cleaning up and preparing the inside of the trailer for travel.  If this routine is interrupted, bad things happen!  Doors don’t get latched and fall off the tracks.  Refrigerator bars don’t get put in and food gets spilled in the refrigerator.  I forget to put the toilet tank deodorizing chemicals in the toilet.  Don’t mess up my routine!  Routines are important!

4. Change your perspective – One of the most fascinating things about kids with special needs is how they look at things.   This is especially true of kids who have autism.  I have watched kids who are playing with a set of egg shakers, for instance, and instead of looking at them from the perspective of sitting on the floor and looking down on them, some kids will get at eye level with the egg shakers and look at them from where they lay – on the ground.  I can only guess at why they do this, but for some reason, the change of perspective brings on a new kind of delight.   Simply going on a trip can change your perspective and your attitude.  Let’s face it, sometimes when you’re RVing, things don’t go your way.  Tires blow out, tow vehicles break down, lunch takes forever and makes you later to your destination…stuff happens!  I try to change my thinking from “this is a bummer” to “what are we learning?” or “what’s funny in this situation?” or “what’s going to be funny later?”  Sometimes, I just think about dinner and how I’m going to change up what I’m making because we’re going to get to our destination late.   I have to admit, my ability to have a better attitude about things going sideways is much better when I’m on a trailer trip because my perspective changes as soon as we leave the house!

5. Be helpful – In the photo for this blog post is Jacqueline.  She has autism.  She’s also a trailer girl.   She takes a special bus from school to our group and gets there early.  She is my “side-kick.”  She helps with set up and seems to enjoy it.  There are other students who come early and ask, “Can I help?”  RVing has chores.   One thing my husband and I have learned over 28+ years of marriage is when one of us is flustered or frustrated, things go better when the other stays calm and asks, “can I help?”  In our family everyone has a trailer job.   We’ll talk more about that in my next blog post.  

6. Laugh easily – Jacqueline, and many of our students with special needs have low humor thresholds.  By this, I mean they find things funny … a lot!  Even when they maybe aren’t funny.  Finding the humor in things is always helpful – especially on vacation.  Things go wrong – or not as planned.  Was there anything funny about it?  Look hard … there probably was!  To this day, we still laugh about backing our trailer at the Canadian border.  (See previous blog post about our doomed Canada trip).  We have lots of little mishaps from our trips that are funny, at least to us.  

7.  Enjoy people!  – One of my favorite things about kids with special needs is how they love other people!  They find delight in bumping into someone they know at the store.   They don’t worry about the other person’s background, what kind of car they drive, if what they’re wearing doesn’t match … they don’t care!   They are the most wonderfully non-judgmental people!  They care that the person is happy to see them too.  What if we all just enjoyed other people because they were people?  Not because they think like us   Not because they “belong.”  Not because they are popular.  Just because they are a person.  What a different world this would be!  

I love people!  I find them entertaining.  I love people watching.  One of my favorite things to do in my trailer is to sit at my dining table and watch other people in the RV park.  They are so entertaining!   I like visiting with people when I’m out walking the dogs or taking out the trash.  Just this last trip, a kid taught me a new word when describing his dog, “suspicious-ist.”  I love this stuff!  

8. If one sparkly happy face sticker is good, two or six is even better – At our music group, we just finished our summer camp.  One part of our camp is crafts.  We do a lot with those squishy stickers that are easy to peel and stick.  I love the way the kids decorate their crafts with these!  There is random, sparkly, gaudy, joy in their creations.  What are the little things that bring you joy that you can add to your RV or collect along the way?  I have my National Park pictures that I frame and hang in the trailer.  I have also been collecting dishtowels from places we’ve been and hang them in the trailer.  I change them out with each trip as a reminder of a past trip.  

9. Eat the good stuff – At the end of our summer music camps, we normally have the kids put on a show with all of the songs and dances they learned.  We culminate the show with a pot-luck lunch.  Sadly, this year, we couldn’t do the pot-luck since sharing food during a pandemic is frowned upon.  This pot-luck is always the best.  Parents are smart and bring things they know the kids like.  One dad drove through McDonalds and picked up a whole bunch of Chicken McNuggets and French fries.  Another time, a parent brought a couple of pizzas.  Another dad made his daughter’s favorite “taco pasta”.  The kids’ plates are a testament to the foods they love.  They have nuggets, fries, pizza, taco pasta, and the most colorful cookies available. 

On trips, I like to eat the good stuff.   I try to keep it healthy, but I also try to remember the fun stuff.  For instance, I don’t normally have chips with my sandwich when I’m at home because I’m trying to eat healthy.  I pack chips on trips!  Maybe trips can have some delicious traditions.  For us, our trip food indulgence is pie.  We love to find pie on our trips.  Perhaps it’s because I make the worlds ugliest (yet still tasty) pies know affectionately in our family as “pie salads”.  Or, maybe the hunt is part of the fun.  Maybe both.  I recently made a dish that we often have on trailer trips and we were home.  My husband remarked, “I feel like we should be in our trailer.”   Trailer food should be the good stuff! 

10. Dance like no one is watching – Anyone who knows me will tell you that I lack rhythm and coordination.  There is no way that I could ever be trained to be a professional dancer.  In our music group, we dance!  We do goofy dances to goofy songs.  We get out scarves and wave them around.  We have ribbon wands we fling into the air.  My kids with special needs and I boogie like there’s no one watching and it’s fun!  We enjoy the movement.  Stretching your arms and legs, wiggling, and flapping your arms like a bird is fun!  OK, so I don’t get out of my trailer, crank up the music and dance like no one is watching.  However, I do make sure I move!  It makes the trip better!  Walk, hike, wiggle to the music in the truck – just move!  Have fun doing it!   It also helps with the “eat the good stuff” advice.

11. When all else fails, get out the parachute – There are times in our music group when things go south.  Kids have bad days just like us.  They get out of sorts.  They have trouble understanding why they didn’t get their way and get the big drum.  There was one such day when all heck seemed to be breaking loose.  We had one girl screaming in the corner, “I want to be a pirate!!” (We weren’t even doing anything pirate related).  Another kid that was disturbed by her screaming and beginning to melt down.  Another that couldn’t sit still.  And, yet another, who was stimming (making strange sounds that help soothe himself).  It was a fiasco!  What did we do?  We got out the parachute!  As soon as we did, the focus changed to the big colorful thing in the middle of the room.  The kids were mesmerized.  We turned on music and began making the parachute go up and down together.  They focused.  They smiled.  They worked as a team.  At the end of the group, when asked what their favorite part was.  Guess what it was.  Of course!  It was the parachute! 

Sometimes that’s what we need to do on an RV trip … or in life… take a minute to find our parachute.  Why are we on this trip?  What is important?  Who is important.  In our 16 plus years of RVing, there have been some annoying moments.  There have been kids melting down.  Heck!  There have been parents melting down.  But, in the end, what do we remember?  We remember who we were with and what we saw, did, and sometimes, what we ate.  We remember the good stuff!  Focus on the good stuff!

A parachute help our group focus.

I am grateful that I have the pleasure of working with kids with special needs each week.  They continue to teach me things.  They crack me up on a regular basis.  They spread joy!  It’s hard to come out of our music groups in a grumpy mood.  You really have to try hard to be grumpy in that group.  So, I don’t try.  I enjoy the moments!  

Enjoy your trips!  Enjoy your moments!  

Next Trailer Girl Blog Post – Everyone needs a Trailer Job

The Value of Just Getting Away – Even When Your Trip Could be Considered a Bust By “Normal” People

If you already own an RV, I’m probably preaching to the choir.  If you’re just thinking about one, maybe these thoughts will push you toward a purchase.  One of the best things about owning an RV is the ability to pick up and go at fairly short notice.  Even if the trip is an apparent bust, there’s value in just getting away.  This is a tale of one such trip and it’s benefits.

It was during the middle of our current pandemic.  Both my husband and I were working from home … in the same office … (10’x10’).  It’s also just us in the house.  Our nest is empty.  For just the two of us, it’s a LOT of togetherness!  In fact, because we already know how each other’s day has been, we’ve given up having dinner together at the kitchen table and have moved to eating in front of the television with the Reagan’s (you know, the family from the show “Blue Bloods”).  As much as we love our house and what we can see out of our windows, we were in dire need of a change of scenery.  

Of course, during the COVID-19 pandemic, “they” decided that all outdoor fun should be stopped including camping.  Many RVers, including us, have been scratching our heads wondering why.  We are self-contained.  They can close off their restrooms, laundry, showers, etc. and just let us in!  As it turns out, many of the fun places didn’t want people from other places bringing germs.  Well, fine then!  We found one RV park open in McMinnville, Oregon which is about 4 hours away.  My husband was delighted because there is an In-N-Out Burger 40 minutes from the RV park and it was open.  It would be the highlight of his trip.  For me, just looking out a different window was going to help.

Pretty much everything in McMinnville was closed.  We could get wine from a winery if we ordered ahead.  There is what appears to be a fantastic air museum right next door to the RV park – closed.  Oregon was pretty much closed!  So what?!  

The RV Park was lovely.  It was beautifully landscaped and a really nice place to walk the dogs.  It was adjacent to the nicest mobile home park I have ever seen.  It was nice to walk around in there.  I am sure it’s home to some master gardeners.  Their yards were well maintained and gardens were gorgeous.  One thing I discovered on my dog walks was a path that led to the air museum.  Even though the air museum was closed, we were able to see plenty of planes they had outside and peek in the windows.  It was like a re-con mission for the next time we come.  The air museum is definitely on our list!

We made our trek to In N Out.  When we arrived, there was about a million cars.  (OK, maybe that’s an exaggeration, but not by much!  There were a LOT of cars!).  They were into the street and then, lined up into the sports arena parking lot near-by.  There were some In-N-Out employees directing traffic like the Disneyland parking lot.  It was an impressive operation!  That is, until we stopped moving.  We scrolled through our phones for a while and then realized it had been about ten minutes without moving at all.  My husband got out of the car and asked one of the In N Out kids how long it takes to get to the front of the line.  The kid told him it would be about three hours before we had burgers in our hands.  Not even my In N Out mongering husband thought a Double Double was worth a three hour wait!  We left and found our lunch someplace else.

That was pretty much the entire excitement of our trip.  A four hour drive for seemingly nothing!  But, wait! There’s really more!  Here are some things we found beneficial.

A beautiful drive – The Willamette Valley is beautiful!  It was nice to look at some different scenery.  

Together time – Yes, we’ve had way too much of that lately, but it was together time someplace else.  That changes things.  We end up talking about other things.  We see different things out the windows.  We look at different walls.  

Great food – We’ve been cooking a lot at home.  Trailer food is different.  We choose things that are easy to clean up and delicious.  Trailer food tastes like vacation!  

No computers – We rarely bring computers with us when we travel.  We are usually trying to get away from work.  This was no exception.  We each have ipads and can check email if necessary, but we avoid it.  It makes a nice mental break from work.

Nothing=Relaxing – Doing nothing can be quite relaxing!  We caught up on some reading and just enjoyed some down time.  It was nice to turn our brains off for a while.

When we returned from our trip, people asked how our trip was, and we said, “great!”  They asked what we did, and we answered, “pretty much nothing.”  Of course, we could have done nothing from home, but where’s the fun in that?  When you do nothing at home, you’re still looking at the same walls, the same windows, etc. and probably feeling guilty about not doing something like the laundry.

It doesn’t take a pandemic to get these sort of benefits from getting away.   In fact, during normal non-pandemic times, the benefits are even greater, in my opinion.  Getting away means getting away from even more than just working from home.  It means getting away from busy-ness, routines, and maybe a hectic lifestyle.  During non-pandemic times, here are some added benefits.

Outdoor recreation – I’m a huge fan of hiking, kayaking, and exploring the outdoors.  For me, all of the fresh air and exercise helps clear my mind and melts stress!  

Retail therapy – Some of the places we go are cute towns with cute shops.  I love poking around in these shops.  In fact, in one of our regular get away places, I actually put money aside and bring a list of things to shop for.  They have great shoes, my favorite jeans brand, a spice place, and a wine shop.  They also have fun art galleries to look in.

Local cuisine – You might eat out near home frequently, but if you’re like us, you have familiar places you go to eat.  We love checking out a restaurant near where we camp.  When we camped near Glacier National Park, we found an awesome burrito place.  In one of our favorite places, we have so many places we like to eat, we pretty much quit packing groceries except for coffee and some breakfast things because we like so many of the local restaurants.  

Time in the truck – Most of the time, when there’s not a pandemic where we are home alone … together …. all the time, we have been busy with our jobs, house and yard projects, and other obligations. The time in the truck allows us some time to catch up with each other on the way to our destination. Sometimes we just listen to music and make fun of signs and sights out the window. Sometimes, when we’re busy, and we know we have a trip coming up, we’ll table a discussion item and say, “we should talk about that in the truck.” Note: this would be for non-urgent items but things that need discussion such as, “should we fix the fence this summer, or do you think we can get another summer out of it.” The time in the truck is a great buffer between the stresses of home and the hustle and bustle of getting ready for a trip and the destination. It makes the destination that much more relaxing.

For me, a trailer trip is an attitude adjustment.  My stress begins to melt as soon as we’re driving out of our neighborhood.  (Of course, my husband is the driver.  I would guess his stress doesn’t begin to melt until the trailer is set up at our campsite).  I come back from trips more relaxed, well rested (because most of the time, I’ve gotten so much fresh air and exercise), and more ready to take on the challenges of day to day life.  I also come back ready to take my next trip.

Can you get the same benefits from say, a trip to Hawaii? Of course! And, you can get a tan to go with it!  But, can you take off to Hawaii once a month?  Can you get there in just a few hours?  I love a good “normal person’s” vacation just as much as the next person, but I always miss my trailer!  I miss all of my creature comforts, the easy access to the fridge and snacks, my coffee pot, etc.  I’m a trailer girl.  It’s how I roll!  You’ll have to make your own decisions about how you like to get away.  But, do get away!  You’ll be glad you did! As my good friend and neighbor once told me, “You never regret the trips you take. Only the ones you don’t.”

Next Trailer Girl Blog – Traveling with Dogs.  They love trailers too!